Connecting through Love Languages

Sometimes it is hard to communicate or connect with others. We may feel like we just don't know what they want. We all may feel we don't get enough love, but is it true we never give enough either? Maybe we all want the same thing, but we are just expressing it in different languages.

We see our children and significant other's needs through our own lens of what would comfort us. Recognizing and understanding the language they are trying to connect to you with isn’t always straightforward.

Watching the ways your child feels secure and expresses love, helps translate how we can express ours to meet their needs. And while, yes, we love all of our children equally, in order to love them individually, we need to love them through the love language that speaks directly to their hearts.

Gary Chapman outlines 5 categories of how people express and feel most secure receiving love. These five categories of love languages are all important, but some may be more important to your child than others.

Outlined below are five ways children feel connected, and learning to recognize and speak their love language makes them feel more valued, heard, and understood.

1) Physical Touch

Your children may say “hold me, chase me, tickle me” They are the children that like to “wrestle”, sit in your lap, fall asleep with you in their beds. These children feel secure when in physical proximity and contact with you. They love to cuddle, hold your hand, and patted on the back to feel you with them.

2) Words of Affirmation

When your child's love language is Words of Affirmation, they like to talk with you about everything! They love stories, to hear “good job”, and need time to verbally check in with you. These children feel secure when they feel heard.

3) Acts of Service

Children that fall into this category will ask you to “do it for me”. They like help, even with activities they can easily do on their own. They also like to help you, even if their help makes the task longer, or messier, they feel appreciated and valued when you want to do things together.

4) Quality Time

Here children feel any time spent together meets their needs when your attention is focused on them. These children will often be heard saying “look at this”, or “ come see”. Children who have a love language of quality time are seeking your attention, they like to be watched and love to watch what you are doing. They feel secure by being seen.

5) Receiving Gifts

These children are often the ones asking “can we get this?”. They feel secure when given objects, shared with, and also giving you objects. You may find you have a pocket full of pebbles, dandelions, or legos from children who feel valued by giving and receiving gifts. These children want to know you are thinking of them even if they are not there.